Looking forward

I believe my mother has this down to a science. She doesn’t dwell on what should have been. I’m pretty good about it. In the moments that thoughts creep in about what could have been I think about making something. Slowly in my head I begin to fit pieces together. Being on the Singularity Transmissions team headed for Burning Man helps this particular process a lot. There are many pieces that have to fit perfectly – many.

I got an email yesterday from a friend who is going through some tough times. He and his wife, a couple who have had a similar experience with stroke, are struggling with frustration. They are in the beginning of their second year of new stroke life. The email, coupled with a Sunday Times (Styles) short on Modern Love, prompted me to get back in the writing game. The story is written about a couple deciding to divorce but not in anger. They have different interests in how they want to live the second half of their lives. Why do all these things come together for me?

The friends here in town are really having a rough go. They probably (I really don’t know for sure) are struggling with her frustration at being impaired and his at not but wanting life to go back to normal. He works full time (has to) and she feels abandoned on a daily basis. It’s the stroke. It’s the damage. It’s the mental processes not being fully reformed. And they may not be for a long time. He feels at times like he’d like to leave it all behind but duty and obligation kick in and he stays. The Times story talks about this couple amicably going separate ways. The Times couple (admitting they have plenty of money) acknowledges it will be bumpy for a couple years but they decide they want to do this. They begin to look forward.

I won’t suggest my friend do this but I did say it could come to that. It may be better for all involved. Revel in what you can do. Look forward to things that could be fun under the circumstances. Above all don’t look back at life before stroke. That is not coming back.