I believe my mother has this down to a science. She doesn’t
dwell on what should have been. I’m pretty good about it. In the moments that
thoughts creep in about what could have been I think about making something.
Slowly in my head I begin to fit pieces together. Being on the Singularity
Transmissions team headed for Burning Man helps this particular process a lot.
There are many pieces that have to fit perfectly – many.
I got an email yesterday from a friend who is going through
some tough times. He and his wife, a couple who have had a similar experience
with stroke, are struggling with frustration. They are in the beginning of
their second year of new stroke life. The email, coupled with a Sunday Times
(Styles) short on Modern Love, prompted me to get back in the writing game. The
story is written about a couple deciding to divorce but not in anger. They have
different interests in how they want to live the second half of their lives.
Why do all these things come together for me?
The friends here in town are really having a rough go. They
probably (I really don’t know for sure) are struggling with her frustration at
being impaired and his at not but wanting life to go back to normal. He works
full time (has to) and she feels abandoned on a daily basis. It’s the stroke.
It’s the damage. It’s the mental processes not being fully reformed. And they
may not be for a long time. He feels at times like he’d like to leave it all
behind but duty and obligation kick in and he stays. The Times story talks
about this couple amicably going separate ways. The Times couple (admitting
they have plenty of money) acknowledges it will be bumpy for a couple years but
they decide they want to do this. They begin to look forward.
I won’t suggest my friend do this but I did say it could
come to that. It may be better for all involved. Revel in what you can do. Look
forward to things that could be fun under the circumstances. Above all don’t
look back at life before stroke. That is not coming back.