Moving backwards in time

This region has a very positive effect on me. Aside from a slightly slower than I'd like week the interactions all around were so positive. The regional people have positive mental attitude and the starkness of the environment provides a sharp backdrop that brings this attitude to the forefront. I suppose it is a little like a backdrop in a photo studio. Personalities shine through without the noisy typical background I'm used to. Spare, spartan, contrasting... not sure of the adjective but I'll work on it.
I woke this morning about 2AM local and could not get back to sleep. I had to leave the hotel at 4AM anyway so I got up. Probably my typical alarm anticipation coupled with time zone change. Abu Dhabi is an hour ahead of Doha and the flight is 40 minutes. We sort of arrive before we leave. But I noticed a photo on my phone when I awoke.

Annie had been over to Austin's City Hall and checked on Whirling Beams II. It looked so cool to me that my mind was instantly transported from work challenge to art challenge. She is aging well and stands out so nicely from her lower stark but upper "noisy" background. Contrast.
I'm reading a book on change management. I'll share the title when I have finished it and have begun to apply what I have learned to caregiving. The book discusses change and how to make it happen. Much like my process in building sculpture, rebuilding a person who's had a "brain attack" could be viewed as change management. Bringing desired change requires different methods. The book delves deep into what brings about behavioral change. It contrasts the way I/one may have been approaching a lot of things with some "what ifs". I'm going to apply it to caregiving and I'm going to apply it to art. Never too late to learn something new. Our survivors do it maybe we caregivers can too.

I heard it rained in Texas

A friend sent me a note that it rained in Texas. So glad. I’m in Abu Dhabi where it never rains and, of course, that means there is very little to burn. The wildfire activity/risk in Texas will now die down. Whew, made it through another season. Made it through most of another trip with little worry.

And a trip it has been. Management changes causing an uproar and managers stumbling over one another in a quest to move up in rank and favor. Me, I’m a contractor so I get to sit back and see if my contract is picked up. So my thought for today was whether I am changed by the experience of dealing with emergent care, subsequent care-giving or whether I have always been too much of a maverick for corporate life.

Since I have picked up the responsibilities for our household income I have had to change my operating mode. I am a little more beholden to the paycheck than I was when we both worked. I could take risk that I can no longer afford. Annie, on the other hand, was a corporate dynamo. She reveled in the meetings, the interaction and the competition. It is her greatest frustration that she is no longer in the game. Change and dealing with change has been a bumpy experience.

But is it because change is forced upon us that we look at things differently? Aside from the terrible “change trigger” I would not want to have had the last five years be any different. Well, maybe a little. Maybe given the choice I would have resisted change. I’d have missed a lot of incredible experiences – delving into art, going to Burning Man, the unbreakable bond in my family that was always there but came to the surface and remained, and the new friendships we have formed. These experiences are so more valuable than accumulated wealth. And yes, they leave me changed.

As I am awaiting instructions at a luxury hotel in Abu Dhabi, I have a few minutes to reflect. What are the positive points and how to grow them. What are the negative and how to discard quickly anything that blocks my path. I am in doubt that my contract will be picked up by this company. Too many cooks right now to make soup. There are lots of other companies. But the positives of the experience in the Middle East and the opportunity to come back here and work have me on a quest. I might not have thought that way 5 years ago.

I'm gone again

Work calls and I am gone again in 48 hours. Back to Middle East and working with the national oil companies. I’m leaving with a little more confidence this time than last but still with trepidation. Annie will be on her own for two weeks and “running the place”. She’s up for it – though not without some nervousness too. Wildfires in the region have us on enhanced awareness. Dry, no rain in the forecast and lingering drought place us in the middle of a tinderbox. The good news is her friends will support her and the neighbors are always on the ready.

Annie rises to these occasions with notes to herself, daily reminders and reliable “co-pilots”. She steps up her exercise routines so she feels fit. She reaches out to friends to do stuff she might not ordinarily do. We both prep the house. I check and set all the automatic systems, refill anything empty and hopefully don’t forget anything. Regardless, life will go on here in my absence and it is good for both of us. Breaking cycles can do a world of good.

Some cycles are good. Repetition of exercise, reading, writing and solving challenges. Discipline to get a blog out. Mental exercise to respond to questions and opportunity is in no short supply. Yes, she does lots of cognitive work and most of it sticks. If Annie asks me twice I answer – it’s just easier – on the third I say “What was my answer the last two times? “ then it sticks. If she’s really interested in my response it sticks the first time. Some stroke effects are only previous “conditions” amplified. Husbands and wives never tune each other out do they? Annie is really good about her daily cycles. I do not have to coach anymore for the things she’s found doable. My favorite Annie response is “Let me figure it out”.

My cycles. Guilt. Shoulda, coulda, woulda. Do more, do less? Maybe it’s time for my cognitive work to pick up a bit. Practice what I preach. In the long run there is good progress and hope abounds. In the short term it is time to pack.