Caregiving is wonderfully rewarding and at the same time terribly frustrating. The person in your care is frustrated, afraid, sometimes confused and at all times aware they cannot do the things they used to just “do”. You, the caregiver, have many of the same emotions though they may play out differently. And then there is the co-dependency issue. I like Wikipedia’s definition and discussion on the topic - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency - as it fits my own view. Co-dependency isn’t always bad it is just something to watch for and understand. And, I am guilty of it.
I worry about every detail of Annie’s day. No need to as there is little I can do while I’m away from the house anyway. Nevertheless I do worry. If I don’t hear from her or from a “copilot” and it builds tension. And it takes time. That frustration builds and while one really tries a harsh word or irritated response or maybe it just that we feel after the fourth explanation it is okay to “snap” and the fight ensues…
Oh and of course it isn’t fair to fight it out with this person who has suffered so much. But we do. The one thing we can do that our survivor cannot is leave. Not for good but for a while. Leave. Turn off the phone. Go somewhere and collect our thoughts and ourselves because it simply isn’t a fair fight. We’ll get through this small issue – and we know we’re not really fighting over the “big one” – and the terrain will smooth out. But we want to exercise control and resolve the issue! Get this issue out of the way and be able to get back to doing what most of us have to do – go to work. Not always that easy once you’re “in there” the fight escalates and we all prefer to be “right”. Stop, breath deep, leave. Nothing is going to happen in the next 30 minutes that will make any difference.
And then there is the reward…
“Doing nothing is often a good strategy. Saying nothing is always the best strategy”
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