What do you do as a caregiver? What level of responsibility do you have? Does the person you care for need 10% support or 100% support? Can they fend for themselves or is their thought process too scattered or disrupted to make critical decisions? Are you dealing with a new “person” or “personality”? How about taking care of you?
There have been a number of times when the news is covering someone with a handicap that is being awarded for an accomplishment. They are on stage, receiving accolades or awards for doing something in spite of their limitations. It is always inspiring. But have you ever noticed there is usually someone standing behind the wheelchair, looking a little tired or worn from the journey, that got them up, ready and to the event. The caregiver…
Prior to 2005, I’d never heard – or paid attention to – the term “caregiver”. Funny how one tunes things out that don’t directly apply to one’s own life. Caregiver – that sounds like nursing home talk. Can’t apply to me. Get Annie back on her feet and then I’m good to go. Shock, denial, “pressed into duty”, acceptance, resolve and then possibly reveling. I’m somewhere between four and five. I was never cut out to be a caregiver.
But caregiver I am. And while my selfishness didn’t exactly equip me for the role I seem to have figured it out. Annie works very hard at removing tasks for her caregivers. No, I don’t do this alone. We have some great “co-pilots” that come a round for a few hours a day and take care of errands. They team up with Annie to organize chores and shopping details. And, I have gotten past some of the “codependency” issues I was dealing with.
I felt terrible about leaving Annie alone. Even if I knew she’d be fine I felt I had to be there, make all the decisions and micromanage her recovery – even years later. It was silly. She needed time alone. Sure there were some mishaps but overall it was occupational therapy at its best. She moved forward because I wasn’t helping anymore. And we both needed the space.
Give the person you care for some space.
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